Before I Make The Final Sacrifice
by Tofu Matador
Summary: A mysterious army is forming in the horizon; it's up to Merlin again to preserve the future of Arthur and Camelot, but will he maintain his loyalty to his king when new events from the past emerge? MerlinxMorgana ArthurxGwen
1. To Find You

Hello, hello!  
It took me a while, but I finally decided to write a Merlin fanfiction. Before I begin, I just want to say that English is not my native language so spelling errors may occur; I'd like to ask you to be patient with me. :)

When I was 13-14 I've watched a tv series also named "Merlin"; it was with Sam Neil, Helena Boham Carter etc. In this series, Merlin's main enemy was not Morgana but a fairy queen named **Mab, **who also appears in a few Arthurian legends. This fanfiction is based in BBC's new version of Merlin, but other references will appear. I also mixed a little bit of Nordic mythology; and yes, I'm a huge Loki fan. Hope you like it!

**Plot:** Uther is dead. It's been five years since Arthur became king; Camelot has grown into a prosperous kingdom under the eyes of its noble and (almost) wise king. Magic still is prohibited, but our beloved young warlock is no longer a servant but Arthur's most loyal counselor and friend; Merlin still hopes that one day his friend will realize the true nature of magic. It's been a while since Morgana disappeared for the second time, no one knows she's still alive; but no one is thinking about her when there is a mysterious army forming in the horizon; it's up to Merlin again to preserve the future of Arthur and Camelot, but will he maintain his loyalty to his king when new events from the past emerge?

**PS: Merlin spoilers!**

**Chapter one – To Find You**

It was nightfall.

He had been traveling for two days now, his body was tired and his eyes were urging to shut. He kept moving, stopping only to heal his horse's exhaustion and eat very fast; he was closer now, inciting the horse to run more than the poor beast could handle, his heart was beating loudly in his ear curious and excited to find out if the rumors were true, he almost didn't believe; it was just not possible. He stopped on the top of a hill and looked down feeling nervous and a bit sick; there was an entire army camped in the valley near the river, tents scattered on the grass, little dots of light indicating fires and a few obscured ants walking around the open field. It was a beautiful view tinted by the twilight, but he wasn't there to admire, he had to find her.

He dismounted tying the horse to a tree and went on foot; the cold air of the night was not the only thing that kept him awake, his bones were aching and clicking in an uncomfortable way complaining about the excess. It was already dark when he reached the border of the camp where the noises became lauder, he could distinguish the conversations and the rude noises the soldiers were producing, there were so many of them… He needed a distraction. An occult force heard his thoughts and a whinny broke the night; a few steps from him were seven horses tied to a wood support, hiding himself behind a bush he concentrated and for a very brief second his eyes turned bright yellow; at this very moment the reins cut loose and the animals run to the woods, a large smile appeared on his face when a bunch of disconcerted man drop what they were doing and chased the horses.

Trespass the watchers line was easy, the tricky part was finding out each of those tents was HER tent. He walked very slowly and carefully through the camp taking a pick on the inside of the tents, listening the conversations, searching for any clue that would lead him to her; he even tried to hear her thoughts, but it was useless. This last finding made him feel a little depressed… There were only two reasons why he couldn't hear her thoughts; first: she was blocking him, second: the rumors were false. He couldn't decide each one makes him feel worse… In the old days he would be able to find her in a blink of an eye; they used to be in each other's mind all the time, the thoughts of one were no secret to the other, they were connected by a very strong mental bond almost if they were the same person; so, if she was blocking him that would mean that their bond was lost forever. If the rumors were false, that would mean that she REALLY was lost forever and his quest worth absolutely nothing.

Lost in his own mind, he forgot to pay attention in what he was doing… A stick cracked beneath his feet; his heart started to pound, this is it… It's over; but nothing happened, he waited for a few seconds and took a deep breath so relieved that his vital organ started to beat too loud, so loud that he was afraid that someone may hear it. He kept on, but his amazing lack of dexterity made him trip in a hot caldron spilling all its contents on the grass and, of course, catching the attention of the soldiers. They came fast with their wielded swords screaming unnecessarily; the intruder ran away making his way through beds, fires, tents, weapons and other obstacles left on the ground.

In a tent not so far from that, there was a woman dressed in silk with her feet on the table and a wrinkle in her forehead while she read a very confuse report. There is a commotion outside, probably one of those stupid men decided to insult the masculinity of one another again; they were good fighters, but very irrational sometimes; let them solve their problems by themselves, she would not raise a finger. The noise was getting closer, she put down the papers and got up annoyed; she was going to put them on the stocks again, approaching the entrance of the tent she begin to hear the words they were saying… "Get him! Now, don't let him escape! Intruder!". Intruder? She went outside the tent and there were dozens of man running around the camp; lots of things spreading on the ground, two tents on fire and figure being persecuted.

_Forb fleoghe_! – She heard the figure saying, five men flew across the camp landing a few feet away… _Magic,_ she thought.

Before she could do anything about it, one of the men hit the intruder in the neck with the hilt of the sword making him stumble and fall dizzy on his knees; two soldiers approached and raised him by his arms.

What is going on here? – The woman asked to her men.

My lady, he is an intruder! We think he's a spy.

A spy? – She approached the man. –raise your head; let me see your face.

He raised and when their eyes meet they got caught in an endless vortex of nostalgia; so many memories passing through their heads, so many moments they shared; the woman took a few steps behind trying not to let her emotions emerge on the surface. The man looked at her with his mouth and eyes open; he tried to break free, it was true… The rumors were true, she was there! She was alive! A warming joy burst within him and all he wanted was to pass his arms around her in a long broken hug.

You are alive! Y-y-you're here! – A thin line of tears formed in his eyes and a large friendly smile curved his lips. –I missed you so much! What happened?

SHUT UP! -She swallowed with difficulty and taking a deep breath recovered her posture; she approached him, their faces only inches apart –these are dark times and this is a dangerous place, keep quiet! –And turning to the soldiers she continued – Release him.

But My lady, we mus-

I said, release him! –Her eyes were fierce and threatening –if he is a spy I need to know if he found out anything about me… I will interrogate him.

Yes, My lady. –the guards released the man but looked at each other confused.

No one must disturb us, do you understand? –The woman sounded even more dangerous.

Yes… My lady. –Both men left with fear written on their faces.

The woman took the prisoner by the arm and pushed him into her tent, he tripped almost falling in the persian carpet. The inside of her tent was oddly decorated in some sort of oriental style, carpets and big cushions scattered all over the place, an oak table in a corner buried with papers and shy bowl of fruits, everything was in tones of red, brown, orange and yellow. She stood in the middle of the place with her back turned to him, only now by the weak lights of the candles he could take a good look at her; her hair was yet in that sweet tone of dark brown, full and long with curls on the edge of her back; there is no denial that her semi see through outfit emphasized all the good qualities of her fitting body, as a man he couldn't not notice that, but he would never looked at her with these eyes… He already tried, but it didn't work out.

Mab… -He said with a melancholic voice making her turn around; her face was the same… Just like he used to remember, but where once was softness and tenderness was maturity and aging; she was still beautiful, but… -You look different…

Yes, death causes this effect on people. –She said sharply, but his eyes full of compassion and kindness brought her structure to the ground again. –You look different too, with the beard and everything… -She pointed in her own face the location where his thin beard was. – I barely recognized you… Although, your eyes betray you. –a shy smile illuminated her face.

Yes, I remember you were the only one who was able to recognize me in my elderly form. –He laughed with the memory, but his smile soon faded when he saw the pain expression in her face.

What are you doing here, Merlin? Why have you come?

I came to find you.


	2. To Recognize You

**TRAILER PREVIEW (the full version is going to be so much better, I promesse!): .com/watch?v=YgzFOOWrqYc**

_THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! They mean a lot to me, I hope you continue reading! Thank you. Thank you!_

**Chapter two – To Recognize You**

"I've heard rumors about an army coming from the east… "He stumbled in a few words still mesmerized by her presence. " An army leaded by a magic queen who came back from the dead with the help of the gods…"

"Is that what they are saying?" Mab laughed with mockery.

"Is it true?"

"Well, I'm very much alive, am I not?" –she opened her arms giving him a full view; Merlin remained in silence, the hostility in her voice was not something he was expecting, but now… Coming to think, he didn't know exactly what he was expecting.

"Can I just…" -swallowing with difficulty, he extended his arm toward her; she was like an illusion, like an echo from the past… Same face, same body… Different burning eyes and emotionless smiles. He came closer, but she took two steps back.

"Perhaps it's better if I remain an illusion."

Merlin shook his head turning away for a moment and swallowing all his emotions turned again to look at her with a more serious expression, though Mab look the same, she was clearly not the same person anymore… It was time to get rid of his childish hopes and face the reality, as hard as it might be.

"What happened, Mab? Last time I saw you, you were hanging from a cliff. I-I… I saw you fall." The memory came with a chill running through his spine and lodging in a dark place in his mind.

"I survived." she said very calmly raising her eyebrows very serene.

"And you're back now… With Saxons?" He pointed to an invisible spot outside the tent. "They are barbarians, they are killing our people!"

"Do not talk of what you do not understand!" She raised her voice and curled her fists. "They saved my life… They brought me back! Don't you dare curse them!"

"You're right… I don't understand…" Merlin approached her. "If you were alive all this time, why you didn't came back? Why now? Why not telling me? We're supposed to be friends!" His grief had returned disguised as anger, his jaw was tense; he was breathing loudly with the eyes fixed on her.

Mab remained in silence for a few seconds; he was not the only one trying to fight against the memories and the old feelings they bring. She stared at him with deep regret, when she "died" he was only a boy full of powers he didn't understand trying to find out how to be good and how to bring justice and equality to an intolerant land. Such pure spirit and kind heart… His face was more mature now, but his expression and his eyes… Oh, his eyes! They could make you believe in anything he ever wanted you to. If she wasn't so obsessed with her goal she would leave with him to Camelot where they could be happy again.

"You ask too many questions, Merlin…" -She lowered her head and began to remove the papers of the table.

"I saw you die and now I'm seeing you stand again… What do you expect?"

He sounded harsh and cruel; he didn't mean to be rude, but the mourning, the coldness and the overwhelming feelings of the reencounter were just enough to make him very confuse. He just couldn't understand why she let him believe she was dead; they used to be so close and now she treated him like a random stranger. He was feeling the cold metal of treason.

"Sit… "-She indicated one of the chairs. "You must be tired and hungry. How long did you take to get here? Five days?"

"Two." He was secretly satisfied to see a very amazed expression in her face. "I didn't stop."

"I'll have someone to bring a meal to us. Sit." She answered pulling the other chair and sitting; they looked at each other across the table filling the room with an uncomfortable tension. Mab took a deep breath and crossed her fingers. "I barely survived the fall, really. I don't remember much of those seconds… Everything is a blur, although I do remember calling the gods, summoning them; anything, anyone…" -she did a dramatic pause biting her lower lip and took a deep breath. "I woke up in a humble house, feeling very feeble… I struggled for weeks alternating moments of death and consciousness." "She looked so fragile that part of Merlin's anger vanished right away as he noticed small glimpses of her old self.

"This man, Otto, a Saxon, had found me writhing and took me to his home. He as his family fed me, healed my wounds; they took care of me and they didn't even knew who I was! … I didn't knew who I was, you see... The fall gave me a temporary amnesia, I couldn't remember anything! Nothing at all! But Otto and his wife, Mildred, didn't cared about this, they-they-the… They were so good to me; I'll never be able to repay their kindness.

They found me work in the market and for a few years I was happy!"

"Did you told them about your magic?" He was feeling very sorry for her, imagining that she went to all that alone without knowing anything from her pass, made his heart heavy and a mild guiltiness rested there.

"I didn't knew about my magic." Mab's eyes were bright now in an attempt to hold her tears. "And the worst part was that I felt in veins boiling my blood but I didn't knew! Till Samhain came…"

"Samhain?" Merlin felt a rush cold through his spine, he knew what was next.

"Yes… I wasn't feeling well so I went to bed early and at the stroke of midnight I felt a dark and cold aura. When I opened my eyes she was standing before me… A woman, an apparition coming from gods know where; she called my name…" She looked at him with a very serene expression. "My real name, you see, the Saxons used to call me Austra, but that woman invoked my true self, my core… She lifted her eyes to me and… Just one word…"

"Mab… " He said like he was completing her thoughts. –"that was Cailleach the goddess of the underworld. That day Morgana summoned her and opened the veil between the two words, I saw her too; she called me Emrys… My true self as well." He did a brief pause the next words were bitter in his mouth, the memories were just too damn painful. "By opening the veil, Morgana released the Dorocha; they started to attack the villages, we had to do something, but Cailleach was demanding a soul as payment … Arthur was willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of Camelot…"

"And you, of course, was willing to die in his place". She became cold and harsh again. "But you're both alive… Who was sacrificed?" –Merlin didn't liked the way she was putting things.

"Lancelot."

"Ah, Lancelot… The noblest and bravest of them all." A mean smile outlined on her lips. "once more you've sacrificed someone else's life towards Arthur."

"What happened to you after you recovered you memory?" She had always critized him because of his protective attitude towards Arthur.

"I got married."

"Excuse me?" That was the last thing he was expecting to came out of her mouth.

"You've heard correctly". She laughed and for a split of second, she turned into a shy little girl, but it was a very, very brief moment. In no time her face was cold stone again. "I had my memory and my powers back, but I still didn't wanted to come back. As I said, I was happy there, I was free. I met a man, Liam, he was honest and good; he was so kind to me and so generous to the ones I love that soon enough I found myself deeply in love with him. He proposed and I accepted."

"I'm really happy for you." Merlin smiled with sincerity and his particular kindness.

"He is dead." she replied with no emotion. "He was stricken by a disease during a battle… It lasted too long; it was painful and horrible to see. In two months he parish." A gloomy silence fell between; Mab was now starring the fine tapestry and Merlin was looking at her in disbelief.

"Liam was Saxon? That's why they agree with the alliance with you?" he resumed the conversation, his voice cracking.

"Alliance?" another wicked smiled was formed in the corner of her mouth. "Merlin, they are not only my allies… They are here because I told them to be here. Liam was the king of the Saxons… I'm their queen."

And then, all the sudden, the time stopped. Merlin looked at her not knowing what to think; who that person was? He went there to find his once best friend and confidant, he went there seeking for a sweet and trustful girl; someone he knew better than anyone. And now this woman was standing in front of him, harsh, brutal and bitter; with words and eyes overflowing with poison. From all the people in the world that couldn't be happening to her… To them!.

"Why you are here, Mab? What's the point of all this?" He was firm this time, he would not let her trick him.

"I was hoping we did not have to address this issue." she breathed impatiently making furious eye contact. "I'm going to destroy it, I'm going to suck every little single drop of life from that kingdom, just like he did with mine." Her voice got higher and more confident. "I'm going to stand on the hill and watch gladly while Camelot parishes." Her voice was like a sharp sword; cruel, ready and lethal. "Oh good! The food has arrived."


	3. To Remember You pt 1

_**Hello everybody!  
I know it's been like a century since I update, I had some problems in college and in... You know, life, but I'm back! And I promess I'll do my best to post a chapter a week; really, really!  
So, to all the new readers... WELCOME!  
To all the ancient readers that are still here... I LOVE YOU, really.**_

_**Make sure you guys check out the final version of the trailer here: /watch?v=sepNLOBULCs **_

_**Keep reviewing! Let me know your opinions, please!  
Thank you! xo**_

**Chapter Three – To Remember You pt.1**

Merlin stood there for several minutes while some servants set up the food on the table; Mab was coordinating them in a very authoritarian way and hardly seemed aware of how grave her words were. She looked at him with a cynical smile rolling a grape between her fingers, she placed the fruit softly in her lips and chewed very slowly without taking her eyes of him.

"Eat. It's not poisoned, you know… I understand that you are familiar with this method, but it really isn't my modus operandi." – She giggled innocently.

The warlock didn't answer, he could feel stiffen his whole expression after that last commentary, Merlin could see exactly what Mab was trying do, she was teasing him, trying to make him angry and explode; she was trying to hurt him in the best way she knew… She succeeded. But he was not going to let her know that, he was going to play her game; if she wanted to dig into the past that it's exactly what he was going to do. He kept his eyes on her for a few seconds and then, smoothing his expression, he started to calmly slice a vigorous piece of meat that smelled delicious; he took a sip of wine from his chalice and then ate a big piece of the meat.

While he chewed with difficulty, he admired the chalice; it was all golden with some embossed designs; Mab remained in silence, that smile had faded… Merlin liked that.

"The wine it's pretty good, but the meat… I've ate betters."

"Oh really?" – she answered arching the eyebrows.

"Yeah… You used to cook much better than this." –he swallowed and looked at her expecting any kind of reaction, but she gave him that irritating smile again.

"It's being a thousand years since I cooked something with my own hands. It's one of the privileges of being a queen and…"

"Do you remember when we met?" –he interrupted her speech and took another zip from the wine; Mab looked at him suspicious, now he was getting where he wanted…

_**Flashback**_

It was his first day and he was already late.

Merlin run through the castle corridors bumping into everyone and almost collapsing on the floor sometimes; he arrived at Arthur's door and stopped abruptly taking some air and trying to assume a more respectful posture. He took a deep breath and knocked on the wood, the answer he got was not what was expecting; instead of a masculine arrogant voice, he heard a soft innocent sound tell him to come in… Was Arthur with a woman? Knee deep in curiosity, he pushed the door and sneaked the room.

There was a girl finishing up the bed, she gave him a quick look, but didn't stop what she was doing. Her hair was dark brown and wavy pushed up in a pony tail, her skin was a bit tanned and the color of her eyes was like melted chocolate; judging by her simple dress, Merlin took her for a servant, but there was something in her posture that made him wonder about that.

- "You must be prince Arthur's new servant." –she said paying more attention to him after she finished with the bed.

- "Yes, I'm Merlin" –he offered his hand so he could kiss hers as a compliment.

- "I'm Mab, nice to meet you." –she put her hand on his, but instead of letting him kissed it, she shook hands with him. – "You're late, you know… Arthur left, he's in the training field practicing for the tournament tomorrow. Here…" –she handed him a helmet and a sword. –"He asked me to bring this to him, but… That's your job now." –she smiled at him as if she was apologizing.

- "Yes, yes; I know… I'm still trying to adapt." –he smiled back to her. –"Are you Arthur's personal servant too?"

- "Oh no! I'm just filling in until he finds someone, well… You, in that case. Most of his servants don't last very long… But I bet you'll be different. Come on, I have to go to the kitchen."

- "So you're the cook?" –he asked while they rushed through the castle.

- "Well, no… I'm hers assistant, but the best recipes are mine and I cook most of the dishes, so…" –Mab looked very annoyed about that. – "I wish at least I could get payed for that, extra money would not be so bad."

- "I see… Are you sure you are that good?" –he said trying to tease her.

- "What? Mine is the best food on the five kingdoms! I guarantee! Well, this is where we part…" –they shook hands again –"Where are you staying? I'll bring you some food and you'll see! Best you've ever ate!" –she was very eloquent and moved her arms very openly while she talked; Merlin couldn't help but laugh of that.

- "I'm staying with Gaius"

- "I'll see you later then… You'll see, I never lose a challenge." –she walked away.

- "Oy! Nice to meet you, Mab!" –he screamed at her and was surprised for noticing the linger smile on his face

For some strange reason, Merlin felt that a weird bound had been formed between him and that servant girl.

"Your food was great, Gaius and I fought for it the whole night" –said Merlin back in the present appreciating the wine again.

"Oh, then you must have eaten very little"

"You're right, but just because Arthur made me practice with him the whole day."

"Tell me… How is Gaius?" –Mab drinked the wine in her cup till the last drop.

"Are you asking because you really want to know or because you want to play with this information?" –he asked in a bitter way.

"Of course I want to know!" –she seemed hurt. –"You know how much Gaius means to me."

Merlin analyzed her, defenses were raised again and the posture was aggressive; if she really was asking because she cared then…

"Mab… Gaius is dead… Four months ago"

Mab tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in her throat; she felt a burning sensation behind her eyes and suddenly she felt a heavy weight on her shoulders and in her chest. She turned her face away for a second covering her mouth with the right hand, _everybody dies_; she thought… Mab took a deep breath and with a brief cough she spoke again praying in her guts that Merlin hadn't notice her little "moment".

"How did it happen?" –her voice was smooth and sharpen at the same time.

"He was old… It was time for him to rest." –yes, he had noticed her commotion to the news and it brought a little warmth to his heart, but then he felt the anger and the grief come back. –"in his last days he spoke about you, he felt that he had a part in your 'death'"

"What…?"

"He forced you to come out, didn't he?" –his voice was louder– "he put you in Uther's hand even knowing how dangerous that could be if he found out about your magic…"

"No! I never blamed him for anything!" –Mab was feeling trapped, it was making her anxious.

"You should've been there…" –Merlin felt the water in his eyes; she knew better than anyone how much Gaius mean to him and how painful it was to watch him go. Nobody knew how much he missed her when their master got sick; he felt lost and more lonely than ever. –"You were supposed to be my friend… You were part of my family… You were supposed to be there for him! He deserved that, but no… While he got sicker and sicker you were playing queen."

She couldn't deny it anymore; her long time hidden feelings were emerging abruptly and he had cornered her in such a nasty way that her structure was collapsing. The news on Gaius's death were a painful blow in her stomach, and Merlin's accusations and rage towards her were confusing and hurtful like a sharpen knife. She knew how much he must have suffered because she was suffering to, seeing him in such desolated state did not bring her any pleasure, she never wanted to hurt him, she always ever wanted them to be happy; and only the gods knew how much she thought about forgetting everything and going back to Camelot; going back to their simple veiled happiness… But she couldn't, not anymore; the memories were all that she had left. She emptied another glass of wine.

Do you remember when I found out about your magic?

One of the scariest and most day of my life… -he answered filling his cup with wine.

_**Flashback**_

"This is ridiculous! Stop!" –the Witchfinder and some Camelot knights were searching Gaius's laboratory, he and Mab watched they ravish the place without any thought.

Turning tables, breaking pots, opening every cabinet and smashing every potion; they make their way through things with violence and brutality. The girl saw many emotions in her friend's face; sadness and frustration for seeing his life work being torn apart, anger and betrayal, but the most visible one was the expectation… He was afraid that they would find something, and that reaction just made Mab even more suspicious that she already was.

"Stop that!" –she left Gaius for a moment approached Sir Leon holding his arm when he was about to throw a vase on the ground. –"Do you really have to break everything?"

"I'm just doing my job" –he said with that annoying air of superiority that the knights had.

"By destroying the work of another man?" –she took the vase of his hand and place it delicately over the shelf.

They looked at each other intensely; he was outraged by her impertinence and she was revolted by his actions, from all of them, she always thought that Leon was the most reasonable of the knights. His expression was severe, he was not handling very well that insubordination, but suddenly her big bright determinate eyes made him retreat with blink and a sudden dry throat. Sadly, his elbow hit the vase that fell on the ground with a huge splash revealing and unwanted object; Leon looked at Mab askance and bent over to grab a bracelet.

"Here, sire." –the knight handled the bracelet to Aredian.

"Now I wonder…" –he said approaching Mab. –"Why were you trying to save THAT particular vase?"

"I was trying to save everything… Anything." –she stood still and didn't flinch.

"It' that so?" –he smiled triumphant. –"Maybe I was wrong afterall… Merlin is not a sorcerer." –Everyone in the room seemed relieved.-"… You are." –All the other looked at her.-"You and Merlin are friends, it's that correct? You walk up and down together so often that you managed to trick me to think that he was the magician… But it's you, isn't it?" –for the first time in a long time, Mab didn't knew what to say.

"Aredian…" –Gaius spoke cutting the tension. – "I know for certain that that amulet does not belong neither to Merlin or Mab."

"Oh…! To whom does it belong to then?" –Aredian was skeptical.

"It belongs to me." –Gaius answered firmly.

The Witchfinder smiled deviously, the guards took Gaius under Mab's protest, but there was nothing else she could do. She looked at the devastated laboratory and a felt a single warm tear roll down her cheek, once Merlin was released, this entire fake would be undone and then together they would think of a way to save Gaius. Mab was still in shock, she knew that the physician would risk anything to help Merlin; but she was incredibly touched for the way he chose to protect her as well.

She was kneeling on the floor collecting some shattered glass when Merlin arrived at the door; his expression was pure confusion and surprise, he looked at her on the floor and at the tables and cabinets ripped apart, Mab didn't dared to say anything while he tenderly pick some test-tubes; his face was heartbreaking.

"What happened?" –his voice was choked.

"They found a bracelet… Merlin, we need to talk." -She looked around, took his hand and shoved him inside the brooms closet; they could only see bits of each other through some cracks of light. –"That amulet was yours, wasn't it?

"What? No! This is all my fault…"

"How is it your fault? You said the bracelet wasn't yours…" –even with the scarce light she could see the panic spread all over his face. Merlin open his mouth to talk, but Mab interrupt him. –"Merlin, stop. Listen, you don't have to lie anymore… I already know."

"What? Mab, you're not making sense…" –he tried to get out of the closet, but she hold his wrist firmly.

"You…" –she hesitated for a second and then continued lowering her voice in a whisper. –"You have magic…You really conjured a horse in the smoke! And all the other things people are seeing…"

"No! I had nothing to do with those… I… Yes, I conjured the horse, but the other things had nothing to do with me, I swear!" –there was urgency and fear in his voice. –I don't know how to expl… Why are you smiling?" –he just had notice the thin line pulling her lips up and the bright joy in her eyes.

"I've wanted to tell you this for so long! The circumstances are awful, but it's the best chance I've got. –she pulled him inside the closet again and closed the door.

Merlin couldn't tell for sure, but he thought he saw her eyes filled with tears, his head was so focused on Gaius that he actually begin to feel angry at Mab for making he lose so much time in that crazy conversation. It was only when he saw two bright yellow dots in the dark that he realized what was going on; Mab's hands were superposed on each other and a weak red luminescence was crackling. She raised her eyes to him and her left hand revealed a small flame growing in her right hand and illuminating the tight room. And he was right, she was indeed crying, but right now he was as well filled with such warming emotions that he felt he might cry too; they looked at each other and started to smile, a relived, emotional and senseless smile.

They were not alone anymore, they don't have to hide from each other anymore or lie… So many different thoughts going through their heads and hearts, but the comforting warming sensation of complicity was common to both of them.

"I've always wondered how you were able to release me from the trap that troll set me…" –they laughed together.

It was night and they had spent the whole afternoon trying to clean the laboratory, but now they were too exhausted and with their heads in so many different confusing places that every other action was pointless. They sat on a bench beneath the window in Merlin's room, Mab rested her head on his shoulder while Merlin tried to think in a solution for Gaius.

"Tell me… How did you learn magic?"

"I was born with it." –she straightened up and sat holding her knees. –"My father's family, on his mother side, was all composed by druids; although my father didn't practice, my grandmother taught me everything about the ritualistic, the myths; etc."

"Druids? So you can speak to me without using words as well?" –Merlin saw her smile while her sweet voice echoed in his head _"Yes, I can." _

"But I must say that I find this method very strange; when Mordred spoke to me in my head that time, it was… Creepy."

"I know what you mean." –he still had nightmares about Mordred. –"Was your mother a druid too?"

"No…" – An adorably comic smile formed on her lips. –"My mom was something else entirely… She was a changeling."

"Changeling?"

"Yes… You never heard of it? It's when sidhe, you know sidhe, right?"

"Yes, Sophia and her father tried to sacrifice Arthur to them in a lake"

"A lake?" –She jumped with commotion.- " You mean Avalon?"

"Yes, I think so… Why?"

"Never mind…" –she sat again looking earnest, but quickly her face changed and Mab continued to talk like nothing happened. –" Anyway, sidhe look for beauty and gold; one of them casted a spell on my mother and she was "possessed" by one of them. But a fairy are not supposed to live inside a human so…" –she seemed happy to talk about her mother, but also seemed to be struggling to find the right words. "Well, she was different… Very clumsy and somewhat rude in manners, but it was not hear fault! It was the fairy, you see. But she was the sweetest person I've met, kind-hearted and benevolent … Luckily, my father saw those qualities too, actually my father always saw only the best in people; that was his biggest quality… And maybe his even bigger mistake." –She stopped talking and looked at the ground.

"You said that sidhe like gold… Was your mother rich?"

"What? No, no, no… She-she-she was a commoner." –although that was a simple question, Mab seemed very uncomfortable.

"What happened to them?" –Merlin realized that he never asked Mab about her past, he knew she wasn't from there, but he never bothered to ask why she came to Camelot.

"My mother fell off the stairs…" –She blushed and gave him a crooked smile. –"I know it's not the most glorious way to die, but… As I told you, she was VERY clumsy. And my father was betrayed by his brother and died in battle…" –a shadow crossed her face making Merlin wonder, but not giving him enough courage to ask about it. –"I'd like to know…" –her face changed again to charming and friendly. –"Your magic is so refined! You control it so well! Mine is very rustic and rough… I think because of my sidhe "heritage", it's much easier for me to do magic involving any element of nature; but everything else is really hard."

"I know what you mean, mine was like this too, but Gaius is helping me to control it, to learn it." –He was getting very excited, the possibility of talking about that with someone was amazing and he felt as a huge weight was took from shoulders. Ever since he arrived in Camelot, Mab had become a great friend and now that they shared that secret… He didn't knew yet what to think, all he knew and all that he cared about were the great possibilities the future holds for them. –"I'll help you… I'll teach you everything and you can teach me too! We're going to be invincible!"


	4. To Remember You pt 2

**Hey everyone! Thank you for still being here!  
And welcome to the new readers!**

**Keep it up! Things will start to get dirty and darker.**

**Chapter Four – To Remember You pt.2**

"Leon came to apologize to me later that day" –by now they were lying on the big satin cushions on the ground inebriated by the wine and the memories.

"Oh yes… You and Leon… He was very upset after you-"

"Merlin… I'm in a good mood, don't spoil it." – She interrupted him taking another swig, this time directly from the bottle.

"How did it begin? It was so sudden…" –they were lying side by side on their backs facing the fabric of the tent, the alcohol was very relaxing, their defenses were down.

"When you and Arthur went to find… Your father; the dragon kept terrorizing the citadel. –Mab stopped and took a deep sigh. Merlin raised his eyes, she was smiling and her eyes were far away. _There she is…_ He thought. –"One night I was helping to evacuate the people and I saw the knights trying to fight it… One minute they were there and in the next there were fire everywhere. The knights scattered, but Leon was unconscious on the ground… I ran toward him, the dragon was coming back for the next strike. You know that my magic that time was almost purely elemental; so I grabbed his shield, covered us up and changed the direction of the fire when it came."

"That was very brave…" – he said taking the bottle of her hands and drinking from it. –"I remember when you fought with him… Everyone was very amused."

_**Flashback**_

"Come on, Leon! Get up!" –said Arthur to his knight that was lying on the ground again. –"You can do better than this"

"Yes, sire. I don't know what's happening today. "–answered Sir Leon standing up and facing a very pleased Arthur Pendragon

"It's alright… Call me another, if you may."

Leon lifted two fingers in the air and walked toward his fellow knights aside while the prince got ready for his next opponent, he was received with little brotherly punches and mockery words. There was always a small crowd around during the knights' practice; a few commoners liked to watch and dream about a knighthood that would never come to them; while the servants just waited anxious for their masters to end all that as fast as it's possible so they could get out of the sun.

Merlin and Mab were watching as usual and now that the first left to help Arthur with the arrangements, the girl hesitate for a moment analyzing the situation; would it be very rude? She jumped the fence that surrounded the training field and approached the resting knights poking Leon gently on his arm. He turned to face her and his surprise switched into a large smile.

"Is your feet, you know."

"Excuse me?" –he laughed, but the other knights seemed interested.

"Your feet. Apparently Prince Arthur has a new trick; he's changing his feet, turning to the opposite side. This way he has more range in his attack"

The men were stunned, their faces went from his to hers. Some of them wanted to make a joke, but she had spoken with so much property that they were actually wondering if she was right.

"Er… Alright… I'll pay attention to this next time." –he was confused; how could she know this? How could she notice that when he didn't?

"Here, let me show you" –Mab grabbed a sword that was lying on the ground, all the knights stepped back .

"I'm not going to fight you." –said Leon laughing reaching his arm to take the sword from her; but now it was her turn to step back.

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to fight with a servant girl!" –he tried to take the sword again, but she didn't let him. A small wrinkle formed between his eyebrows, why she was doing this? He shook his head with impatience. –"Come on, knights… We have things to do." –he turned his back on her walking away, the knights sigh with disappointment.

"Hey, Sir Leon…"

He stopped and turned to face her once more; everything happened so fast that his response was absolutely instinctive. One second she was there smiling at him and in the next they were crossing swords; the metal vibrating on their hands while they exchange looks, he was silently asking her to stop, but she was determined to move on; the other knights were very amused, they started to cheer for them and make bets. Leon pushed her creating some distance between them; he was taller, stronger, more skillful and had much more experience than she had… Or at least he thought he did.

The knight opened his arm in surrender, but she was not satisfied; Mab came to him with brute attacks hitting his defense one, two… Three times. He didn't dare to attack back, it was against his knighthood vows and yet, he was wearing a chain mail, but she had nothing more than a frail dress. She knew he was not taking her seriously; so she decided to stop playing around and fight for real; she stepped as closer to him as she could and begin her dance.

Mab moved around him with speed and grace trying to penetrate each of his defenses, trying to reach any part of his body; he was taller, yes, stronger; no doubt, but she was faster. Now that Leon had seen the challenge, he began to move accordingly trying to keep her blade away from him without hurt her; but in one of her swings, that would hit him right in the ribs, she left her guard wide open and his knight within saw its opportunity. He waved the sword, she saw his movement and jumped backwards leaving nothing for him to cut except the hem of her dress.

Leon looked at her, his eyes wide open in a silent apology; Mab looked at the dress and then up at him, an insolent grin formed in her lips. She went toward him again raising the sword, Leon was prepared to block, but when he got ready to go zig, she went zag and he could see her feet changing the direction of the blow just like she said… But now was too late, Mab was behind him, his guard fully open to her mercy; he felt the tip of the blade in his neck, it was over.

"Ha! That was brilliant!" –Arthur approached them clapping and smiling, Mab lowered the sword and smiled shyly to those in present, the knights were clapping and whistling with big smiles on their faces; she was not aware that there were so many people looking at them. – "Where did you learn to fight like this? So fast!"

"I'm a girl and an only child, my lord… My father thought that would be good for me to learn how to defend myself. "

"And he thought and taught you well." –he seemed very pleased, that was something she was not expecting; Merlin was on his side smiling broadly at her. –"That was really good."

"Thank you, you highness." –she blushed with all the compliments.

"Well… After this I don't think there is anything else to be seen here; you're all dismissed."

The crowd began to scatter, one of the knights took the sword from Mabs' hands complimenting her for the fight; she was very pleased with herself and very excited, it's been a while since she had the opportunity to fight with someone, the adrenaline was making her heart rush. Arthur passed by her side smiling and giving her a small nod, Merlin was right behind him and leaned to kiss her cheek whispering that he was very proud of her. She delicately dried the sweat from her forehead and looked to the hem of her dress once more, it could be fixed; she was preparing to leave when she felt someone holding her hand and pulling her to the opposite direction.

"Would you like to walk with me?" –said sir Leon letting go of her hand as fast as he had reached for it. –"The weather is very pleasant."

"I'm sorry, my lord-"

"Please, call me by my name."

"…. Sir, I apologize, but I have to go to the market to buy food for tonight's dinner."

"Would you like some company?" –his eyes were so deep and his voice so hopeful that she could not dismiss him… Not even if she wanted to.

"Yes, I would appreciate this" –She was not the blushing type, but right now she couldn't help herself.

The market was full of people, animals and other weird creatures that they couldn't name exactly. They were walking for a while almost reaching the end of the trade; Mab was well know by everyone, she shopped the castle provisions for a year now. They were having fun, enjoying some time to know each other.

"I'm sorry for what happened in the training field today. Coming to think, it was not very polite." –again she felt her face burn.

"It's alright… I was really surprised though." –he smiled and allowed himself to touch one of the ribbons of her dress while she talked to a marketer. –" I'm sorry for your dress, I'll buy you another."

"No!" –she suddenly was very exasperated. –"I can fix it… You really don't have to, my lord."

"Leon; please…" –he said as if it was a prayer. –"You cook, you help Gaius healing people and you're very skillful with a sword… Is there anything you can't do?" –they both laughed and she faked a very contemplative face.

"Swim!" –she said with triumph making him laugh, a warming strong laugh that gave her chills of anxiety. –"Really! I'm a terrible swimmer."

"That doesn't decrease my amusement … You're a very impressive servant girl."

"What do you mean?" –she suddenly stopped frowning at him. –"Servants are as skillful as knights, my lord."

"No! Please… That's not what I meant" –it was his turn to become exasperate. –"I'm sorry, I didn't want to offend you; and would you please call me by my name?"

"You ask me to address you by your name, but you only address me as 'servant girl'…" –her tone was low and hurt, she lowered her head. –"It's that all that you think I am?"

"Of course not!" –he raises her head with his index finger, his eyes narrowed and shining with concern. –"You're brave and kindhearted… Wise, but so carefree…" –he swallowed with some difficulty while trying to find the right words. –"And the most intriguing and beautiful woman I've ever met."

Mab bit her lower lip trying to hide her satisfaction smile; he was not touching her, but his big blue eyes were stronger than any hand and any arm. They were very close to each other and he could smell her, a very inebriate smell of lavender, spice and just a little bit of burning wood; he didn't knew why but that rustic odor was more tempting to him that any elaborate perfume of the ladies of the court. They were hooked in each other's gaze, their mouth getting drier and their minds wondering trough some mysterious and forbidden places.

"Hello, dear!" –suddenly a window opened right beside them and an old woman with a cloth in her head appeared.

"Hello Mrs. Austin!" – Mab stepped away from Leon felling suddenly breathless.

"And hello to you, sir." –said Mrs. Austin given both of them a suspicious smile; Leon answered with a polite nod. – "Oh honey, I have good news and bad news."

"Good news first, Mrs. Austin"

"I have the biggest piece of lamb you've ever seen!"

"But that's great!"

"Unfortunately, the boys didn't come to work today, heavens know why!" –Mrs. Austin was very upset; Mab knew that her sons would be in trouble later. –"And I'm an old woman, I have no strength to deliver this much meat all the way to the castle."

"Ah… It's ok, Mrs. Austin, I'll cook something else."

"Wait, I can carry the meat." –Leon joined the conversation, his chain main shinning in a very cliché way.

"What? No! It's too heavy." –replied the servant girl pointing to the beautiful exposed piece of meat.

"I can carry." –he was determined.

"I wish I had a handsome strong knight to carry things for me…" –said Mrs. Austin giving Mab a quick wink making the girl blush once again.

"At least let's split the weight."

"No way."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Just leave it there" –said Mab indicating a long table in the kitchen, Leon dropped the meat with no ceremonies and sat on the bench trying not to look so exhausted. –"I told you it was too heavy!"

"It's fine… I'm grea-argh!" –he tried to stand up, but his legs gave in; he was panting and sweaty.

"You're going to be sore tomorrow… Take off the chain mail, it will help you breathe."

She sat and helped him to take off the heavy hauberk, he grunt and arched his back his body happy to be released. Mab placed her hands on his shoulders over his crimson shirt making him gasp and look back at her; she gave him an encouraging smile and begin to gently squeeze the muscles of his shoulders and neck; Leon closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of relaxation that started to run through his body. She noticed that and quickly placed her hands on his scapula.

"_Forbærning et __onlæte" _–she whispered and her eyes glowed in yellow while she felt the energy emanating from her body to her hands and to his body; she could almost feel his muscles constricting and then relaxing again.

"Did you say something?" –Leon turned to look at her again, but she shook her head smiling innocently. –"Wait a second…" –he moved his shoulders and stretched his arms testing its elasticity; Mab bit her lips barely breathing. –"The pain is gone! What did you do?"

"Nothing much, really. Just touched the right spot, Gaius taught me a lot about anatomy; it's very easy actually."- she bragged feeling very proud of herself.

He smiled at her with sincerity, there it was again… A silent message burning in his eyes, Mab couldn't tell exactly what it was, but it was making her feel warm and anxious creating a vacuum in her stomach. Leon hid one lock of her hair behind her ear caressing her cheek with his thumb and her neck with his fingertips; she shivered and he stopped feeling tense, maybe he was crossing a line. He begin to remove his fingers from her face, but Mab was quicker and grabbed his hand placing a very soft, tender kiss in his rough calloused palm; Leon gasped and she smiled calmly at him although her blood was racing fast and wild; so little contact, but the anticipation was overwhelming.

Leon leaned to her standing close enough to scent her smell again, his eyes caught hers and now she was trapped again. They didn't knew for sure each one of them had completed the sequence, but soon enough their mouths were connected in a long chaste kiss. Mab parted from him but kept her eyes closed enjoying the mind blowing sensation of happiness as well as his taste in her mouth. She heard a croak and opened her eyes; Leon was gone but his clothes were there, she looked around, but saw no one; the croak was heard again it was coming from Leon's pile of clothes. Carefully she removed the fabric and there it was looking at her… A big slimy toad.

She widen eyes putting her hand on her mouth in panic, WHAT HAD HAPPENED? A small ball of yellow light flew around her head laughing a high-pitched mocking laugh.

"Kissy, kissy aren't we? Kiss the prince, find the frog! Will you kiss the frog for a prince to be?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x

"DAMN GOBLIN!" –She screamed punching one of the cushions and laughing at herself, now they were as drunk as a very particular knight. –he was quite funny though… The farts! –them both started to laugh high.

"DONKEY ARTHUR!" –they screamed in unison laughing hard of both the occurred and the memory.

"I would have given all my money to see that… Just a little glimpse and I would be satisfied."

"I would give my money to see Grunhilda kissing Gaius." –Merlin added laughing and covering his eyes.

"Oh yes, Elena…" -Mab smiled with nostalgia.

"You were very fond of her, weren't you?"

"I can't help … It's the fairy blood. She was a good girl." –she laughed and rolled over the cushions lying on his chest, it was stronger than she remembered.

"We've met some strange people along the years…" –he said caressing her hair.

"Uther's troll."

"Nimueh."

"Morgause."

"Cedric."

"…Gwaine." –They laughed together, a very carefree friendly laugh.

"Alice…"

"When you kissed me."

"If I recall, you kissed me back." –He said tickling her ribs.

"I was mad at Leon… It felt right somehow." –she frowned.

"Gaius kept telling me 'you are equal, you understand each other… Alice and I were like this and like that.' "–said Merlin impersonating their old master. –"It just made me wonder."

"I know what you mean…" –she sighed, this was so familiar and yet really awkward. –"It was a strange kiss, though."

"Very strange indeed." –they laughed again.

"And I know you were thinking about her the entire time." –she laughed, but Merlin's smile suddenly vanished while a lump formed in his throat and his whole body become tense. –"Do you still love her? After all this time? After everything? –She sounded like a little child asking innocently why the sky was blue… He sighed and relaxed again.

"Yes… Sadly, yes." –Merlin raised his torso sitting up holding his legs, Mab sit too crossing her legs and looking at him with interest. –You used to critized me about my choices and how I never thought about the consequences, but you have no idea how hard it was… -he turned his face away when his voice cracked. –To poison her, to see her life evade from her… In my arms, it was-"

"Wait, poison?" –confusion crossed her face, she kneeled in front of him, her face filled with suspicion and doubt. –"What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?"

"Who are YOU talking about?" –he asked feeling more confused than her.

"Freya!" –she answered almost hysterically.

The tent fell in a deep silence while both of them tried to put all the pieces together, her mouth and her eyes were wide open when realization knocked her over. Merlin didn't dare to look her in the eyes and now he was fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Almighty Thor…Merlin… Morgana? You are in love with Morgana? HOW!

"I know how ironical this sounds…" –His voice was bitter and his eyes were full of remorse; his heart constrict in a way he didn't thought it was possible.

"She knew?"

"Yes… When she found out about her powers… All that 'druid kidnap". –He shook his hands with impatience. –Later that day I went to her chambers to check if she was ok… I don't know what happened, she was vulnerable; I was overwhelmed…"-he couldn't help stutter with anxiety and agony; he was nauseated and it was not sure if it was because of the drinking or the sudden claustrophobia he was feeling in his chest. Flashes of her eys, her laugh, her voice and her touch were flying around his head uncontrolled; it was suffocating. –"We've got together a few times after that, but…"

"And you never told her about your magic?" –Mab was genuinely surprised and now the fear of the unknown was crawling in her stomach like a snake. Merlin rueful, his eyes were absolutely miserable when he shook his head in answer to her question. – "By Odin Allfather… Poor girl. Did you ever wonder how would've been if we have told her from the beginning?"

"Of course I have." –he stood up tousling his hair with his fingers in a clear sign of frustration. –"But at this point I don't allow myself to think that it would have been any different."

"It wouldn't be any different?" –Mab echoed his lines getting up in her feet too. – "Merlin, she was betrayed her whole life by the people she loved and trusted the most! Uther, Arthur, you… Even me and Gaius!" –she was walking around while he massaged the sides of his head with his eyes closed. –"I never quite understood how she turned into something so different from what she was, but now… She probably had feelings for you and you poisoned her!"

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" –he exploded with the finger pointed to her. –"Don't you dear judge me; you were unconscious that day you have NO IDEA how it was." –his voice was harsh and his face harden, but yet he turned around to wipe the few tears that insisted to come down.

"I told her…"

"You what?"

"The night before the battle…" –she seemed a little embarrassed for that revelation. –"I went to her chambers and told her about my powers." –Merlin looked at her in a deep disbelief. –"I offer her… Help and asylum if she ever needed.

"That was before or after our conversation?"

"After… Actually our conversation made me realize what I had to do." –They stood in silence for a few moments, Merlin was walking around while Mab was sit in a three legged bench each trying to digest all the new information they took five years to know and understand. –"If we have told her before… Maybe she wouldn't have felt so lost and alone; maybe she would have trusted us and not Morgause… Everything could have been different…"

"It still can." –Merlin walked toward her and kneeled grabbing her hands. –"Come back to Camelot with me, talk to Arthur, solve this misunderstanding!"

"There is. No. Misunderstanding." –she replied pausing dramatically between the words. –"He looked in my eyes and let me fall." –Mab stood up again, the fires of treason burning inside her once again. –"Because he wanted my kingdom? Because he found out I have magic; I don't know. But the only satisfaction Arthur Pendragon can give me is his blood in my blade and his cold stiff body in the end of my sword." –Her voice was macabre and Merlin felt a really dark aura emanating from her. –"My kingdom perished, my family and friends are gone, I can't go back to Avalon… I lost my life." –now there was such a passionate hurt tone in her voice that Merlin couldn't help the tears and the overwhelming feeling of pity; he notice that her eyes were also shinning with water. - "My vendetta is the only thing I have left, don't you dare trying take this away from me."

"You still have me…" –He said tenderly taking a step toward her, but she stepped back.

"It's not enough…" –She was not trying to hurt him, but the truth is uglier and bitter than any lie.

"You are my best friend… You are family to me, please don't do this." –his voice was choked and now he didn't cared about the solitary tear that rolled down his face. " –"Don't make me choose between you and Arthur."

"Oh, but you've already made that decision." –Her tear had vanished and now the cold hearted woman he saw that night was back. –"And the time will come where you will be the last thing standing in my way… And then I will have decisions to make."

They looked at each other, a million thoughts going through their heads, a thousand of feelings coming and going in their hearts. How everything could have ended this way? He always tried to do the right thing, but it seemed that he only made things worse! Morgana… He still couldn't live with himself after what he did to her, but then… All she had done to him, to the people he cared about; but yet! He couldn't find the strengths to hate her and now Mab… It was almost dawn, he had to leave.

"Good bye, Queen Mab." –he bowed briefly before her avoiding eye contact.

"Good bye, Master Merlin. Forlan! Get a horse for the young sir" –she screamed to a man that was sleeping on the ground. She held the fabric of the entrance of the tent opening a passage for him.

They didn't looked at each other again, but Merlin stopped in front of her before leaving to the cold morning; he wished there was something else he could argue with her, but there was nothing left to be said. He stepped out of her tent and crossed the camp without daring to look back.

Mab stood at the entrance for a few seconds watching him go away; she was mentally and physically exhausted, there was a whole in her core and a tiny voice deep down her head screaming to her _Go with him! Go now!_, but she didn't move, her feet were stuck on the ground.

Suddenly she heard someone clapping behind her; Mab turned standing her hand ready to jinx whoever it might be, but what she saw made her stop, wide her eyes and let down her hand. She looked at the figure sitting on a chair with the feet crossed on the table, her lips tightened into a thin line while she ran her eyes trough his grin and his fierceful eyes. He stopped the applause and with a very delighted voice said:

"Bravo."


End file.
